A woman in natural makeup, dangly gold earrings and a formal looking brown dress looks at the camera with a slight smile. Her hair is long, straight and dark. — Kimmy Kimm photographed for Amateur Allure and posted on their Instagram in 2022

It’s nice to imagine everyone’s initial experience in porn is positive. Unfortunately for this rising star, some first scenes are harrowing. This is the story of Kimmy Kimm’s earliest experience on set, the disaster it caused, and why she decided to push through despite the struggle.

Three women posed for a manicured Adult thumbnail. A strict matriarch looks deviously at Kimmy, a nervous young woman sweeping. Another woman looks into the camera meaningfully. — Kendra James, Penny Barber, and Kimmy Kimm pose for Adult Time’s *Be Polite To Our Guest, Young Lady!* (2022)

Kimmy’s upbringing was severely restrictive. With a hardline Christian father, Kimmy wasn’t even allowed to dance or sing growing up. In fact, he cut her off before she even considered porn. As soon as she chose not to go to college, he was out of her life. Still, he left an impact. His strict enforcement of discipline and high performance has haunted Kimmy since, and she wonders how much it impacted her first experience on set. How differently could things have gone if she’d been instilled with the value of listening to her body’s limits rather than ignoring her needs to pursue perfection?

Kimmy’s first scene was sprung on her so suddenly that she had very little time to think. She’d been successfully selling used panties online along with doing some independent work when another performer reached out via TikTok. The girl said Kimmy had been “doing it all wrong,” and insisted Kimmy would be better off working for an agent. “Lucky” for Kimmy, she knew just the guy. Within 12 hours Kimmy was driving down to Florida.

Her new agent barely spoke to her. They met, he looked her up and down, drove her to testing, and told her she was booked for the next day. “They don’t give you time to make decisions,” says Kimmy, something that seems like a red flag looking back. As the agent knew, Kimmy had never even had sex with a partner on camera before, so the leap to studio work was a big change that Kimmy wasn’t entirely ready for. Still, she didn’t want to miss an opportunity, so she set her alarms and went to sleep stewing on the next day’s incoming challenges.

The day of the shoot, Kimmy’s sketchy agent picked her and the other girl up in the mornig. She remembers the male talent having a cute accent that made her like him more at first, at least until she complimented it: “He did not speak to me for the rest of the fucking day! He hated me,” she shares, laughing. It’s funny now, but at the time Kimmy felt like a deer in the headlights. They told her to douche but she’d never done it before and that mixed with the nerves created an awkward experience. “I have it inside me. I’m just squeezing it. Nothing’s coming out, so I just take it out, throw it away, and I’m like ‘Done!’”

A stock image of Miami has a photo of a young woman (Kimmy) photoshopped on top of it. She's nude (covered by censor bars) and trying to cover herself. She looks scared — Kimmy Kimm photographed for Shoplyfter.com atop a stock image of Miami, Florida from Canva

Still, things didn’t feel too bad for Kimmy at first. Sure, it was awkward, the talent was cold and she didn’t know the ropes yet, but she wanted the money and still thought maybe it would be fun. They stacked her on top of the other girl and it all moved very fast. Unlike her more recent experiences, no one really communicated with her and it seemed obvious that her job was to look pretty and basically stay out of the way.

Suddenly, pain shot through her body. She remembers thinking “what is happening” and letting out a pained yelp.

“I didn’t even want to look down there, but I knew something was wrong.”

Unfortunately, the stressful situation mixed with the discipline her father instilled meant Kimmy felt obligated to push through. She said it hurt, but her co-star said he’d just slipped and Kimmy didn’t want to rock the boat.

“I just kept going and it hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt in my life,”

she shares “I was white knuckling through it.” No one wanted to harm her, but the shoot was going so fast and Kimmy insisted she was all good despite the shattering pain. Kimmy takes a positive spin on the experience, saying “They offered me more lube and they were really nice, but they were just going fast.”

Kimmy kimm moans into her hand. Recontextualized, it looks like she's crying — Kimmy Kimm in a scene for the Adult Time series Mommy’s Girl

Well, she got through her first day, got her check, and got some help for whatever was wrong…right? Well, not so much. Kimmy’s stubborn work ethic meant she was on set again the very next day, just hoping whatever had gone wrong had fixed itself overnight. Unfortunately yet predictably, it was even worse.

“As soon as that guy tries to put his dick in me: tears. I couldn’t do it.”

Still, her first instinct was guilt. She apologized profusely and sweared she’s “not a cryer,” never even considering seeking medical attention until her new co-star took a look. “He’s like, ‘Oh, babe, you’re ripped” and takes a photo of a tear coming down from her pussy and towards her ass. Even then, she left set but wouldn’t go to the doctor. Clearly, all this situation required was resilience and time, right?

As you can imagine, Kimmy’s injury didn’t go away on its own. It got worse, becoming severely infected. Without seeking medical attention, she kept trying to work under the emotionally volatile overseeal of her agent. With all the extra stress, eventually the injury demanded attention, despite Kimmy’s dogged insistence she was fine.

“The infection basically gave me a sort of sepsis? It spread through my spinal cord and I lost the feeling in my hands and my feet so I had to go to the hospital.” She says now, laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

Instead of offering any support or well wishes, Kimmy’s sketchy agent berated her for her work injury.

“That manager was screaming at me. ‘How dare you lose out on all these shoots I just got you? No one will ever work with you again!’”

Despite all the pain, Kimmy has some pride when she looks back. It was a terrible experience, but in that moment she finally stood up for herself. “That was the first time I yelled at a man, though, cus I yelled back!”

Thankfully, stuff’s gotten much better for Kimmy. After taking some time to heal and check in with herself, she decided to transition to the LA branch of Adult which has treated her much better. Of course it’s still important for her to watch out for herself and speak up when something’s wrong, but she doesn’t feel that same pressure (and isn’t being screamed at by a shitty manager anymore, seemingly). The way she tells it, in the Miami Adult industry “they really don’t care if you’re good or not. It’s just a little bit less professional.” That goes for the directors and male talent, too:

A man and woman stand on the AVN Awards red carpet sporting bright smiles. The man is bald, bearded, and beaming in a black suit vest and pink tie. The woman laughs with bubble braids in her hair and a short silky pink and red dress. — Kimmy Kimm at the 2024 AVN Awards with Manny Bucks, photographed by John Chennavasin

“It just feels like the guys are kind of like ‘we run this and we do whatever we want' [...] you’re just one of eight million new girls that they’re gonna shoot.”

When that type of experience was all she knew, she didn’t know if she had it in her to keep pursuing studio porn. She’s glad she gave it a second chance in California, though. “Out here [in the LA Adult industry] I feel like it’s more communal. Everybody has to be good, and not just the dudes.” Today, she’s racking up nominations and making a name for herself on her own terms, not just in Adult but as a musician as well. Check out her awesome work!

Author

Jude D. Grey is a sex nerd, fetishist, artist and porn enthusiast currently based in New York. Their writing is informed by an academic background in Sociology and Sexuality Studies as well as a personal investment in sexual liberation for all.